☆ Developing Extraordinary Resilience

Developing Extraordinary Resilience

BY LEO BABAUTA

We’re all beset with difficulties, obstacles, pain, tiredness, and a thousand other setbacks, small and large.

What determines whether we take these setbacks in stride, or let them bring us down, is something that psychologists call “resilience.” It’s an ability to come back from setbacks, adapt, learn, but not be dragged down by these setbacks.

I’ve found resilience to be an important factor in my own journey, from struggling through finances and health changes over the years, to navigating the scary and uncertain waters of running my own business.

Resilience has allowed me to:

• Run several marathons and an ultramarathon (among other physical challenges) despite injuries and other training setbacks.
• Write numerous books and courses, even in the middle of personal challenges, fears, delays due to procrastination, and more.
• Face challenges such as debt or declining income with a positive attitude, and deal with the challenges as they come.
• Raise six kids (with perhaps a little help from my wife) no matter what difficulties they face, or what personal baggage I’m bringing as a father.
• Deal with deaths in the family with an open heart, not only finding compassion for my own grief but helping my family members in the midst of theirs.

None of this is to brag, but it’s to show the power of simple resilience. I’m not greater than any other human, but resilience has helped me deal with these difficulties, as I’m sure it has for many of you.

It’s such a powerful thing, resilience … but how do you develop it? Because make no mistake: it’s a set of skills, a set of capacities, that can be developed over time. Some people might be born with greater tendencies toward resiliency, but we can all get better at it.

I’m going to offer a set of practices that you can work on, if you want to develop extraordinary resiliency. I hope you find them useful.

The Resiliency Practices

Whenever you face stress, difficulty, grief, pain, struggle, setbacks, failure, disappointment, frustration, anger, uncertainty (big ones or little ones, throughout the day) … see it as an opportunity to practice.

Here are some practices you can try:

1. Notice what you’re not seeing. When you’re frustrated, disappointed, bored, etc. … it’s because you’re only seeing the lack. Or the “bad” side of things. That means you’re blinding yourself to the whole picture — in this moment of someone being rude to you, do you notice that they are in pain, that they have a tender and loving heart inside of them, that they are in fact a gift? Do you notice your own aliveness, the sunlight around you, the wonderful sounds of the day that surround you? In each moment, there are amazing things to notice, and when we’re focused only on the parts we don’t like, we’re stuck in tunnel vision, and therefore missing out on the greatness of life. What is theamazingness you’re not seeing?
2. Tap into something bigger than yourself. As a father, it’s amazing what I’ll go through to help my kids. I’ll put myself through incredible discomfort, if it means protecting them, helping them somehow — and it doesn’t even feel like a sacrifice. Anyone who serves others knows this feeling: when you are doing something for others, the discomfort is just an afterthought. So when you’re facing difficulty, if you can connect your task to the something bigger than yourself, serving others and not just yourself … the diffiulty becomes much more insignificant. In this way, every difficulty can be seen as “no big deal.”
3. Practice compassion (for yourself & others). When you’re in pain, just notice that. Wish yourself peace and happiness, as you would wish peace from the pain for a loved one. If someone in front of you is angry, irritated … wish them peace from the anger as well. Every difficult interaction is an opportunity to practice this key skill.
4. See it as a part of growth. When you face a setback, it’s not the end of the road … it’s a part of it. No journey worth traveling is free of discomfort and setbacks. If we want to grow, we have to go through challenges. So each challenge you face — instead of thinking negatively about it, see the beauty of it being a part of your personal growth.
5. Practice flexibility & adapting. Rigidity only brings about frustration. If we can learn to be flexible, and adapt to any changing situation, we’ll not only be happier, we’ll be more successful at whatever we’re trying to do. So when you’re in the middle of a challenging situation, ask yourself how you can practice being more flexible. When you’ve been hit with a failure, ask yourself how you can adapt and get better so that you’re more likely to succeed in the next attempt. See it as an opportunity to get better, to become more flexible in your thinking, to be ever-adaptable and never-extinguishable.
6. Find the deliciousness, delight, joy. Every uncerain situation, every discomfort and difficulty … contains within it some kind of wonder, some kind of deliciousness, some kind of delight and joy. We just need to find it. Open our hearts up to it. Stop trying to reject it, and instead see it for the first time, as a small child might, and see the wonder that is this moment in life.
7. See everything as a teacher. Every single thing that comes before you is your teacher. You can reject the lesson and see it as something you don’t want, or you can open your mind to it and figure out how this situation, this person, this setback, is your teacher. Which of the above lessons is it teaching you? Which of the above practices is it giving you a opportunity to get better at? Figure that out, and you’ve unlocked a chance to get better at resilience.

In each moment, you have a choice. Do you want to succumb to your difficulties, or wish they would all evaporate … or do you want to be made stronger by them, learn from them, open up to their brilliant lessons and delightful experiences?

In each moment, you have the opportunity to practice. It’s not easy. But it’s the path of resilience and love.

☆ A Guide to Moving Courageously Into a New Uncertain Space

A Guide to Moving Courageously Into a New Uncertain Space

“We become brave by doing brave acts.”~Aristotle

BY LEO BABAUTA

I remember walking into my boss’ office at my day job to turn in my resignation, almost exactly 10 years ago today. I was quitting the life of a regular paycheck, to become a full-time blogger and writer.

I was filled with an overwhelming sensation of fear, and an overwhelming sensation of joy.

I’ve now come to associate this feeling of ‘joyfear’ with the important moments of my life:

• The first moment I held each of my newborn kids in my shaky hands
• Starting Zen Habits, not knowing what I was doing, jumping into the unknown
• Creating live workshops & retreats last year
• Publishing my first book (and every book thereafter)
• Moving my whole family to San Francisco from Guam
• Unschooling our kids

Each of these has been incredible for me, filled with uncertainty and joy. The fear of uncertainty can lead a lot of people to put off moving into a new space in their lives, but I’ve learned to embrace this fear, to dive into it, to see it as a place of growth and transformation and learning.

This year I’m moving into new uncertain spaces (more on that next month), and I’m practicing some more with the discomfort and uncertainty of these new wide open unknown areas. I’m practicing with leaping into the abyss with joy.

Here’s what I’ve learned so far — I’m sharing in hopes that it will help others who are moving into uncertain spaces in their lives.

Find Your Devotion

We don’t put ourselves in the middle of fear for no good reason. We do it because there’s something we care deeply enough about to push into that fearful area.

Remind yourself of why you’re going into this uncertain space. What do you care deeply about? Who or what are you devoted to? This might be a cause, it might be people who are in need or struggling somehow, it might be your loved ones, it might be the team or customers you serve. Find the love and passion in your heart for this cause or these people.

Then remind yourself, each day, of this devotion. Remind yourself of it as you do each step, each task … this is what you care deeply about.

Your devotion, the thing or people you love so deeply … is greater than your fear and discomfort.

In fact, the devotion turns this uncertain space into a space of shaky and heartfelt love.

Get in Touch with the Fear & Uncertainty

Most people either run from the fear, or try to find ways to turn it off, to not feel it, to eliminate it.

Not us. We’re going to get in touch with it, and allow ourselves to fully feel it.

Why would we want to fully feel fear and uncertainty? Because it’s nothing to hate, it’s part of our experience, it’s actually the place we want to be.

Feeling the fear and uncertainty fully, allowing it to be, even welcoming it… this shows us that it’s not so bad. It’s nothing to panic about. We can grow up from our childish need to run, and instead just stay with it patiently, with gentleness and compassion.

We can touch the uncertainty and stay with it, welcome it and even find love for it.

Practice. Get good at fully feeling it. And learn that you can take it in and transform it into openness and joy.

Move Through It with Small Actions

The fear isn’t something to run away from or otherwise avoid. It’s actually the path we want to walk, because through this fear is creation. Through this fear is learning, growth, transformation, impact on the world, beauty. Through this fear is something meaningful.

So we’re going to move through it, but in small steps. We’ll use the ideas of exposure therapy to move through the fear — the idea that we can get used to the feeling by giving ourselves small, manageable doses, gradually increasing the doses in steps we can handle.

You do this through taking small actions daily.

Want to be a writer? Write a little every day, clearing space and allowing yourself to be present with your fears of writing (and failing). Want to start a company? Take the small actions required to research it, create a website, find team members, start making revenue, experimenting and learning.

Take small actions daily, exposing yourself to the uncertainty, and building trust that you can handle it.

Find Play & Gratitude

Moving into an uncertain space doesn’t have to be an exercise in rigorous discipline or self-punishment. It can be joyous and fun!

When you move into this space, see if you can find a way to play. Can you get messy and creative? Can you turn it into a game? Can you play upbeat music that gets you moving? Can you do it with others and feel the excitement of collaboration? Can you play your music for the world and see them dance to it?

As you turn it into play, allow yourself to feel the joy of that. And yes, there’s some fear mixed into the joy, but you could also call that ‘excitement.’

And in the middle of everything, pause and see if you can find gratitude for being in this uncertain space. Gratitude for being able to be here, for being alive, for being able to serve those to whom you’re devoted, with love.

Gratitude transforms the activity from one you are forced to do, to one you get to do.

Seek Support

We are not alone in this uncertain space, even if we feel like it. There are others who are forging this path as well, and we can form (or join) a group of people pushing into it as well. We can call on mentors, teachers, coaches. We can ask for support from loved ones, team members, online forums, social media friends.

When we ask for support, we are acknowledging that we are not an island, but interconnected with everyone around us. We serve others, but in turn we are supported by thousands and thousands of others who make our food, build our houses and cars and roads, create the Internet and the devices we use, and support us in an infinite number of other ways. We humble ourselves by thinking that we can’t do everything alone, but can do so much more with connection to others.

Seek support, find gratitude for that support, and feel yourself moving into this unknown space with the help of many others. May you have a joyfear-filled journey.

“Go to the edge of the cliff and jump off. Build your wings on the way down.” ~Ray Bradbury

☆ Relaxing Into the Feeling of Being Alive

Relaxing Into the Feeling of Being Alive

BY LEO BABAUTA

There’s a practice so simple that many people will discount it as not worthy of trying.

They’ll miss out on the transformative power of that very simplicity.

The practice is this: Sit still for a moment, and just feel what it feels like to be alive. Then relax into that feeling.

Yes, I know, sitting still for a moment isn’t something we want to do right now. We got things to do, man! But just try it, for a minute. Sit still and feel what it feels like to be alive, for you, right this moment. There’s never been another moment like this particular one, and never will be again.

Let me repeat that: There’s never been another moment like this particular one, and never will be again.

That means that at this moment, we have the opportunity to fully appreciate the miracle of this moment, and how it came to be from the infinite number of causes that created it from preceding moments. We are alive in this moment because of millions of other people who have supported us, because of everything on this planet, which just happened to be the perfect conditions for creating the person we are right this moment. What a freakin’ miracle!

So tune in, and notice what it feels like to be alive right now:

• What sensations do you notice in your body?
• What is the energy of those sensations? Does the energy change, or move?
• What is the texture of your breath?
• Do you notice pain, discomfort, tenderness, tightness?
• Get curious and explore, investigate, look even closer.
• Take in the totality of your sensory input, all at once, holding it in your awareness.
• Stay with this feeling, instead of moving on. Then stay a little more.

Now that you’ve become curious, investigated, and stayed with your experience … try this:

1. Relax into the feeling. That means if there’s any tightness around your experience, just relax that tightness. Relax into your experience. Often we have some kind of aversion to what we’re experiencing, or an urge to get away from it, and I’m suggesting we relax and just be with it, just as it is, not needing it to be different.
2. Find gratitude for the feeling of being alive, even if there’s pain, tightness, discomfort. Be grateful for the miracle you are lucky enough to witness right now.
3. Find love for everything you hold in your awareness, from everything around you to your own experience, your body and breath. It’s all one thing, and all held in your love.

☆ To Find Your Deeper Purpose, Listen

To Find Your Deeper Purpose, Listen

BY LEO BABAUTA

I’ve found that if we can create a connection between our daily actions and our deeper purpose in life, then each day will be incredibly fulfilling.

Unfortunately most people haven’t found their “deeper purpose” in life, and many don’t even believe they have one. That’s OK, but if you’re one of those who would like to create a more fulfilling life, I have one word of advice for you.

Listen.

OK, I’ll have a few more words to add to that!

The way that I found my deeper purpose (and I’m still refining it every day) is by listening to what’s in my heart, as corny as that might sound. I listened to what I felt most deeply, what moved me, what made me feel shaky but in awe of life.

To listen, I had to stop letting myself be distracted. I had to create space to listen: shut off the Internet and all devices, not watch TV, get away from everything else, even for a little bit. I had to create silence and stillness, so that listening was even possible.

If you create this space, this silence … notice what you feel. It won’t be obvious what it means at first, but after listening for awhile, you’ll notice what you yearn for. What gives you joy, a sense of adventure, a sense of play. What creates pain and the wish to salve that pain. What you are afraid of, what fills you with doubt, what makes you want to run.

Eventually you’ll get an inkling: “Oh, I really love working with kids!” You won’t know what that means, but you’ll have a direction, and you’ll start to explore it. You’ll find a way to work with kids, and after awhile, if you keep listening, you’ll discover the parts of working with kids that moves you the most. You’ll hone in on that. You’ll refine, listen some more, and strip away the fat of that purpose, until it gets to its essence. You’ll find your gift to offer to the world.

And each step along the way, you’ll be walking the path of that purpose, exploring and discovering how to best offer your gift.

A Few Stories of Others Without a Purpose

Many people either know they haven’t found their purpose but don’t even start looking … or they have it in front of them but don’t recognize it, and don’t connect to it.

I’ve been working with people on this and here are a few examples … maybe you’ll connect with one of them.

1. One woman is a family lawyer and she says she doesn’t have a “deeper purpose” in life, she just stays really busy doing her work, helping her clients, which she does enjoy. As I worked with her, it became clear that she was serving these clients in a powerful way. When they were facing the hardest times in their lives, she was there for them, guiding them when they felt lost. She stood for them when they were on their knees and had no hope. She made them feel safe when the world around them was collapsing. She had a powerful purpose, but she didn’t know how to see it. What she needed to do was ask herself what gift she was giving in the world (or ask friends who might see it better). Then feel deeply connected to that gift.
2. I worked with a man who was a manager at a very busy service operation — he managed a large team and stayed busy from start to finish each day, putting out fires and keeping the team on track. He didn’t feel that there was a deeper purpose there. As we talked, it became clear that he was an incredibly competent leader, keeping his team motivated, staying fully focused in the middle of chaos, keeping a huge machine running so that others might relax, and doing it all with energy and a smile. This was a huge gift he was giving to each team member, to the people they served. Again, he needed to see this gift, and let himself connect to it and be moved by it.
3. Another man felt he was a cog in a machine, on a team that didn’t do anything very worthwhile in the world. But this man showed up every day with a huge smile on his face, bringing energy and love and joy in every room he entered. He was very competent, constantly serving those around him. I told him to start looking for another job, but he should also recognize that no matter where he is, he bring his gift of energy, service, happiness and a brilliant smile to everyone he meets and works with. He still had some searching to do, but he should recognize and appreciate his gift.
4. Another woman worked in finance, and honestly didn’t enjoy the work. She wanted to start her own company, create something beautiful in the world. She was excited to start out on this new adventure, but also filled with doubt and uncertainty about how to do it. I urged her to do it, as soon as she was able, because I was confident that she’d bring her energy and sense of adventurousness to the new venture. And she had a gift just waiting to be offered to the world.

Those are just a handful of examples, but the common threads are that 1) most people don’t recognize their own gift, and might need help from friends to see it, and 2) once you recognize that gift, you need to either find a way to offer it to the world, or if you’re already giving that gift, connect deeply with it on a daily basis so that you can be fulfilled by offering it.

My Purpose-Filled Journey

I started my current journey about a dozen years ago, in a dark place in my life, not feeling fulfilled, not happy with who I was, not knowing how to get out of my rut.

I started by just creating one change in my life (quitting smoking), which finally stuck after failing seven times, after I decided to pour my whole being into that one change. Then one change at a time, I started changing my whole life, pouring myself into each habit change.

Eventually, I was in a very different place in my life, and I started Zen Habits. I found that my gift was to share how I changed my life, and help others change theirs. Offer the inspiration of my story, the usefulness of the details of my change, and my compassion to others who were struggling in the same way.

Discovering this purpose was powerfully moving for me. I was energized, and poured myself into it.

A few years later, I discovered that I needed to help people find compassion for themselves. They were struggling with harshness and self-criticism. So I shifted, exploring self-compassion for myself and a way to share that with others. I went deeper into mindfulness and love. This was incredibly fulfilling.

Recently I’ve discovered the joy of working with people in person, and I’ve been discovering a new layer of my purpose, refining it even further. Now I’ve learned, by continually listening to my heart, that I want to:

• Lead people on a life-changing journey of greater simplicity and focus, purpose-filled work, mindfulness and whole-hearted connection.
• Help people dive into uncertainty and discomfort with joy, instead of running from it, letting themselves be moved by their purpose.
• Help people reconnect to a sense of wholeness, and let go of what causes them pain and struggle.

This is my deeper purpose at the moment, according to what resonates inside of me. This is what I’m moved to do, my gift as I understand it.

☆ Powerful Courageousness: Practices to Expand Yourself & Your Gift

Powerful Courageousness: Practices to Expand Yourself & Your Gift

BY LEO BABAUTA

Imagine a woman who has a powerful gift to give to the world, a song to sing that will lift others up … but she only lets herself give that gift when the sun is shining and she’s happy and the moon is in perfect alignment with Jupiter.

The world would be robbed of her song. Her narrow range of when she’s willing to offer her gift would be a devastating loss to those she serves.

Imagine a man who serves everyone around him deeply, so powerfully that they are all filled with their own sense of purpose. But he only does this when he is in the right mood, when he’s not distracted by online articles, when he’s not tired or lonely, when he’s not criticized by those around him and when his house and office are perfectly clean.

Those he fills with a sense of their own purpose would be less filled. Those he gives his love to would be deprived, because he has such a narrow range of when he’s willing to push himself to offer his gift to others.

This is how most of us live our lives. Shrinking from the challenge of focusing on our purpose-filled work, because we’re tired or sad or anxious or stressed, because we’re allowing ourselves to be distracted and pulled in thousands of directions.

This is our failing, and it’s our opportunity for growth.

When you are “not feeling it,” and are procrastinating on focusing on your purpose … this is a time to notice how you feel, notice that you’re shrinking away because you aren’t in the perfect mood … and then expand yourself.

You expand by:

• Opening up your heart in the middle of pain or stress, and allowing yourself to fully feel. Don’t shrink away, but find the courage to be incredibly present with whatever you’re feeling.
• Feeling love for your experience, for whatever is causing you stress or pain, and not rejecting it. Seeing it as your teacher, your beautiful practice ground.
• Reminding yourself of the gift you need to offer the world. Reminding yourself of your purpose. Bringing your open heart to that work.
• Pushing yourself into the discomfort of focusing on that purpose, even if you are feeling sad or hurt or frustrated or distracted. Pushing yourself into the discomfort of saying no to all the distractions and busywork, and just doing what you need to do to offer your gift.

This is your challenge, in every moment. Expand your range by not needing conditions to be perfect. Not needing everything to be in order. Not needing to have all your messages responded to, all your inboxes and social media checked, all your articles read, all your crumbs swept up, before you dive into your purpose.

Expand your range by not allowing yourself to shrink. It’s like putting yourself in arctic conditions, in desert conditions, and practicing your art despite the unhappiness.

In fact, you use the unhappiness and chaos to offer your gift. You take that stress and pain, and you turn it into love. That brilliance is a part of your gift.

Let’s look at some specific practices for expanding your range of conditions so that you are no longer robbing the world of what you have to offer.

Practices to Expand Yourself

Once a day (to start with), create a space for practicing. Set yourself some purpose-filled work to do. Then try these practices:

1. Notice what you’re feeling. Are you tired, stressed, frustrated, angry, sad, lonely, distracted, hurt, anxious? Then fully feel it. Forget about everything else in the world and just be fully present with whatever you’re feeling. Not the narrative in your head about what you’re feeling, but the actual physical feeling in your chest, stomach, head.
2. Open your heart to that feeling. Love it. Don’t reject it, wish it would go away, try to get rid of it. Just freakin’ love it. And love its cause: the work stressing you out, the person who criticized you, the unhappy situation in your life. Love it as if it were the most beautiful thing on Earth. Which it is.
3. Open your heart in the middle of this discomfort, and then take the first step in doing your work. Do the first small action, the tiniest movement, in the middle of these arctic conditions. See it as training for your heart. Courage training. Hold your heart open as you do it, keeping in mind who you’re serving.
4. Love even fiercer as you do the next small step. Don’t let your people down. Imagine that you would die for them, do anything to serve them, and that you hold them powerfully in your heart.

Repeat these practices every day. See your range grow. See your gift grow out into the world, unhindered by life’s impediments. Sing your song powerfully and courageously, lifting up every soul around you. Then bow in gratitude to your practice.

☆ A Practice For When You Find Yourself Annoyed by Other People

A Practice For When You Find Yourself Annoyed by Other People

BY LEO BABAUTA

It’s a common thing to be frequently annoyed by other people — added to our regular interactions with family, friends and coworkers are the online habits of people on various social media, and they can all irritate the hell out of us.

What can we do when other people are being annoying, frustrating, inconsiderate, irritating, even aggravating?

Well, assuming we’re not in real danger and we don’t need to take action to protect ourselves … often the best practice is an internal shift rather than trying to change the other person’s behavior.

That suggestion in itself can be frustrating for some — why should we have to change our own behavior when it’s the other person who is being aggravating?

That’s because with one simple shift, you can be happy with any person. But if you try to change every other person, you’re just going to be miserable.

This is illustrated by a metaphor from legendary Buddhist teacher Shantideva:

Where would there be leather enough to cover the entire world? With just the leather of my sandals, it is as if the whole world were covered. Likewise, I am unable to restrain external phenomena, but I shall restrain my own mind. What need is there to restrain anything else?

In this metaphor, imagine that the surface of the Earth were covered in shards of glass or some other sharp surface … you could try to find a covering for the whole world, so that you could walk in comfort … but you’d never be able to do it. Instead, just cover your own feet, and you can walk around just fine.

This is the idea of shifting your own mindset, so that you can deal with irritating people.

Let’s look at a practice to work on that shift.

A Simple Practice

Whenever you find yourself irritated by how someone else is behaving … first notice that your mind starts to create a story of resentment about them. It’s about how they always act in this irritating way, or why do they have to be that way, or why are they so inconsiderate, etc.

This story isn’t helpful. It makes you unhappy, it worsens your relationship with others, it makes you a person you probably don’t want to be.

So the practice is to drop that story, and instead try this:

1. Recognize that you don’t like the way the person is behaving. You are not happy with your current experience. In this way, you are rejecting this part of reality, rejecting a part of life. Consider opening up to all of life, without rejecting.
2. Reflect on a river that flows downstream … imagine wishing it would flow upstream. It would just bring you unhappiness to wish that the river were different than it were. Now imagine that this other person is the river. Wishing they were different just brings unhappiness.
3. See them as they are and open your heart to them, just as they are. See them as a suffering human being, with flaws and habitual ways of acting that can be irritating, but are actually very human. How can you love humanity just as it is?

Open up to all of life, without rejecting. Accept the river as it is. See the suffering human being in front of you, and love them fiercely, as they are.

See how it shifts you. And see how it opens you up to connecting to your fellow human beings, and the vast experience of life, just as it is.

☆ Beautiful Practice Ground: The Secret to Training Your Mind

Beautiful Practice Ground: The Secret to Training Your Mind

BY LEO BABAUTA

I’ve been diving deeper into training the mind when it meets difficulty, stress, the urge to procrastinate, anger, pain, uncertainty, discomfort.

And here’s the secret I’ve learned: what most people take to be bad news is actually the good news.

Let’s take the example of Greg … he wants to start meditating, so he commits himself to the daily habit of meditating for 10 minutes every morning. Wonderful!

And he does a great job at first, meditating for more than a month without fail. He’s feeling pretty good about himself.

Then he has to go on a trip, and he’s so busy that he misses a couple days of meditation. When he returns home, his mom comes to visit and he doesn’t seem to have time to meditate now.

What’s Greg’s reaction? He feels bad for missing mediation, breaking his streak, falling apart because of travel and a visitor. He starts doubting whether he can stick to the habit, feels guilty, doesn’t even want to think about the meditation habit. When he wakes up, he goes on his phone to distract himself from what he’s not doing.

Bad news for Greg, right? Actually, this moment is good news.

In this moment, he has entered his beautiful practice ground.

This is good news.

This idea of a Beautiful Practice Ground is something I’ve developed over working with thousands of people on habits and mindfulness … let’s take a look at what it is, why it’s good news, and how to work with it.

What is the Beautiful Practice Ground?

When Greg’s meditation habit fell off, he responded with self-criticism, guilt, self-doubt, avoidance and distraction. This might seem like bad news — who wants to respond like that?

But actually, it’s good news: we’ve learned something extremely important. This way of reacting is actually Greg’s habitual way of responding to difficulty. He has conditioned himself to respond this way to similar difficult situations, to failures small and large, probably since childhood.

This habitual way of responding to difficulty is actually what’s standing in his way.

Training the mind to respond differently in this exact kind of situation is probably the most important training Greg could do.

If he can retrain his habitual reaction, he’ll eliminate most of his difficulties. Instead of falling apart and avoiding when he misses a habit, he’ll just start again. With gratitude. When he hits upon other difficulties, with training he can just figure out a way to deal with it, and not fall apart and start avoiding things.

So it’s very, very good news that he has noticed his difficulty, his habitual response to difficulty, uncertainty, discomfort.

This very moment, when he’s avoiding and feeling bad and running to distractions … this moment is his Beautiful Practice Ground.

This is where he wants to be. In the middle of this habitual response, he can pause. He can notice what’s going on. He can practice a different response. He can start to retrain his mind by opening up other possibilities.

Come to regard your difficulties in life as good news. See the moment of your failures, complaining mind, distractedness, anger, frustration … as your Beautiful Practice Ground.

Common Beautiful Practice Grounds

The ways in which we habitually respond to difficulty are varied, but there are some pretty common ones … I’ll list some here so you can get an idea of what I’m talking about:

• Becoming annoyed by the behavior of others, and spinning a story of resentment in your head.
• Procrastinating when you have a difficult task.
• Putting off the moment of starting a habit like meditation, exercise or writing.
• Feeling bad about yourself when you fail to live up to your expectations.
• Resenting others when they fail to meet your expectations.
• Giving in to urges and temptations and then rationalizing them, criticizing yourself, or avoiding even thinking about it.
• Getting upset when things don’t go the way you want them to go, lashing out at others or stewing in resentment.

In other words, all of our most difficult situations are our Beautiful Practice Grounds!

How to Work with Your Beautiful Practice Ground

We can start to regard these difficulties as good news. As places to practice that are filled with compassion, love, and opportunity for growth.

When you notice yourself having difficulty — someone is frustrating you, you are disappointed in yourself, you’re procrastinating on a hard task or habit you’re trying to form, you’re feeling resentful or criticizing yourself — start to recognize this as your Beautiful Practice Ground. And see it as a wonderful opportunity to practice.

Now pause. Stop here in this Beautiful Practice Ground and just notice what it’s like. Notice the sensations here, the quality of the experience. Notice how you feel, and welcome whatever you feel and notice, as you would welcome a good friend into your home.

Notice what your habitual reaction is … do you want to avoid thinking about this? Do you want to run to distraction? Do you want to make a list, do an Internet search for answers, or otherwise get control? Do you want to lash out in anger, criticize, spin around a story of resentment?

Notice that you don’t need to actually do your habitual reaction. You can create a sense of space so that you have mindfulness, choice, openness.

See if you can find curiosity in the middle of this space. What is it like to just sit in this Beautiful Practice Ground?

See if you can take a different action, create a fresh response, act out of love and compassion.

This is the work in the Beautiful Practice Ground. It’s good news that you have this practice ground, and the opportunity to train in the middle of it. Once you begin to do this, the entire world can shift.